Meditation Games Diary: 2/1/19

Today’s game is about something that shouldn’t exist. A thing so awful, so pointless, that its existence is flawed. In Sean LeBlanc’s Meditations game, you are consumed by a gigantic white screen depicting something so weird and inconceivable that I have no clue what it is, and frankly, I don’t want to know. The visuals are so disorienting and odd, and I wish I did not see it. Everything was overwhelming and I walked away from the experience wanting to never play it again but I still can’t wait to play it again next year.

I don’t know what LeBlanc’s inspiration was, but the description of the game states that it is about something that should not exist. It was a pretty cool thing to make a game about, and it conveyed its message spectacularly. I have no clue what I played, and that’s fine because that’s why it was created. It was designed to be a confusing moment and succeeded. It was great, uncomfortable, fun, and brief. You stare into the white screen of mistakes and wonder what’s inside, knowing that you will never find the true answer.

Looking at the picture I took of the game, I see something pretty neat. I see a  human figure in the clutter of visual distortions. I am not sure if this was intended, because I do not remember spotting this detail during my playthrough, but if it is intended it has significance. This game may be about the regrets of the past, or hating your past self.

I detailed my hatred for my past actions in an earlier Meditation Games Diary entry, and how my mistakes of the past made me punish myself by being extremely, and dangerously, selfless. The figure I see in the Thing That Should Not Exist represents this part of me, staring at me asking me why I left it, and why I hate it.

I think about past me a lot, how I did not know right from wrong, and how I created situations that hurt others. I think about it so much, but I know that I am unable to go back and fix it. It shouldn’t exist, the moments where I bullied others and was just generally an awful person, those events never should have happened. They were awful mistakes, but they stare at me every day making me realize how bad I was, and how much I have improved.

It’s not great on your mental health to dwell into your past and let your regrets destroy you. At times it feels like the right thing to do, but you should really focus on the future. This is something that I am not great at, but it is what I recommend to everyone. Past me shouldn’t exist, and that’s why I am throwing it away. There are so many things I would change, but I can’t. I hope everyone who I was mean to back then knows that I am a better person now and that I am extremely sorry for anything I have ever done.

Starting now I am going to be the best person I can be and stop judging me based on what I did as a child. My regrets do not define me, and as long as I strive to be selfless, confident and helpful, then everything will be okay. Today’s Meditations game was very special, but I am not sure if any of this was intended. I don’t know what the image displayed is supposed to be, but I am pretty happy about my interpretation of what I saw. I hope everyone saw something meaningful in the unexplainable sight today.

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